Dealing with miscarriage

By Julianna Earl, Guest Contributor

For anyone who has lived through this intimate, heartbreaking ordeal! Take heart. Have faith. 

My experience with miscarriage
This is definitely not how I pictured our announcement, but for those of you who didn't know, I was pregnant with baby #2. Unfortunately, my pregnancy lasted for a very short amount of time.

Journaling has always been therapeutic for me so I knew I would write my experience down. I just wasn't sure if I would share it with everyone. I've decided that I'd rather people know what happened instead of keeping it a big secret. Truthfully, I think it might help in my healing process.

Brad and I found out I was pregnant the day after Thanksgiving. Becoming pregnant happened a lot quicker the second time around and it almost seemed too easy. We were hoping for Owen and our second baby to be about two years apart, and the way it worked out, they would have been around 22 months apart when the baby was born.

Only a few days after finding out I was pregnant, things started to go downhill pretty quickly. I'm sad to say that I had suspicions that things just weren't quite right from the very beginning.

I started having what felt like a dull pressure on my lower left ovary/left groin area which eventually turned into a sharper pressure and even pain that woke me up one night. I had the sinking feeling that my pregnancy could be ectopic.

I waited a few days and when the pressure didn't seem to go away, my doctor's office had me come in for blood work 48 hours apart. My blood work showed me being about 4-5 weeks pregnant and my pregnancy hormone rising normally. My nurse explained that in an ectopic pregnancy, the pregnancy hormone doesn't typically double every couple of days like it's supposed to, so I was relieved that my results were normal.

Even with the normal blood work, I was pretty anxious for my "7 week" appointment. Once we got back to the ultrasound room, the ultrasound revealed the baby growing in the correct spot. I was so relieved to hear that news but still wondered what could have caused the unexplained pressure. I was told that it could have been a cyst.


During the ultrasound, the tech informed me I was measuring smaller than 7 weeks and because of that, she wasn't able to pick up a heart beat. She did let me know she tested for movement and reassured me the baby was moving in there, so that made me feel a lot better. Based on my LMP, my due date should have been July 31st but because I measured earlier, it was moved back to August 8th.

After that appointment, my worries subsided and I thought my pregnancy would be smooth sailing from here on out just like my pregnancy with Owen was. Now that I knew the baby was growing in the right spot, I could rest easy.

Christmas Break

Utah
Brad, Owen and I left for Utah for Christmas vacation on December 19th. Our first night there, Brad and I came down with the flu. The next morning, I woke up with some of the worst lower back pain I've ever had, which I attributed to the flu and sleeping in a new bed. That morning when I went to the bathroom I noticed a pink discharge, something that I had never had with Owen.

It worried me a little, but I didn't think it was that unusual. Throughout the rest of the day I continued having brown/pink discharge. I decided to call my doctor's office and spoke with a nurse who told me that if the discharge turned bloody, to go to the ER.

The next day, I had some bloody discharge. Brad and I decided to go to the ER like the nurse had suggested. I was given an ultrasound at the hospital which lasted a really long time and I could tell this ultrasound tech was also having trouble finding a heart beat which really worried me.

After the ultrasound, one of the ER doctor's came in and explained that the tech picked up the heartbeat but it was only 70bpm and by this time, it should have been about 140bpm. He then went on to say that it looked like I was heading toward an early miscarriage.

After hearing the news, I was pretty distraught and couldn't believe how fast things had turned around. They proceeded to do blood work and gave me an IV of fluid to see if that might help the baby and we just sat around in the hospital room waiting until further news.

Later on, the ER doctor came back and told us that he may have jumped to conclusions earlier and that it seemed that the baby was measuring even earlier than what was originally thought. He said based on that assumption, the heart rate of 70bpm wasn't too unusual and we should have more hope than what he originally gave us but we just needed to wait and see. He also said that my blood work came back normal and that my HCG level was around where it should be. We left the hospital hopeful.

The remainder of the week in Utah I continued to have pink, brown, and some slight red discharge off and on. I wasn't too worried about it and figured it would eventually subside.

Moses Lake & Big White
The day after Christmas we left for Moses Lake. A couple of days after we got there, I started having menstrual cramps which I knew wasn't a good sign. I kept telling myself that some cramping was normal, but in the back of my mind I knew that cramping along with discharge/blood definitely was not.

I continued to have menstrual-like cramps off and on all week with the spotting getting worse and a lot more frequent. On New Year's Day, I woke up with shooting pains in my abdomen and knew something was definitely wrong. That night before bed, I had bled more than I had in the past 2 weeks. I went into the room and told Brad and started to cry. That night I had a pretty strong feeling I was going to lose the baby, but was still holding on to a sliver of hope that it would work out.

Back in Arizona
Once our trip was over and we traveled back to Arizona, I had a 9-week ultrasound scheduled for Monday to check on the baby. Owen woke up really sick that day, so I told Brad to stay home with him and ended up going alone. A few minutes into the ultrasound, the tech responded with "I'm so sorry, I can't find a heart beat."

After weeks of suspecting something was wrong, hearing the words out loud was absolutely devastating. I just lay there for a few more minutes, crying, while she took measurements of the baby.

I was scheduled to see a different doctor after the ultrasound, but luckily my real doctor made time to see me and go over my options. We decided I would wait a week to see if I miscarried naturally and then go ahead and schedule a D&C if I hadn't.

Only a couple of hours after returning home from my appointment, my bleeding seemed to pick up. It was almost as if my mind needed confirmation before my body could do the rest.

I continued to cramp and bleed off and on all week until Thursday afternoon when my cramps intensified and I knew my miscarriage was imminent. The majority of the process took about 3 hours and was pretty horrific. In the end, I was grateful that it occurred naturally but also realized that it made everything final.

A few days later, I had an ultrasound to see if I was able to miscarry everything on my own. I was worried that I hadn't since I was still bleeding.

I was told the baby and sac were gone but my uterus lining was still thicker than they would like. My doctor almost had me get a D&C but decided to prescribe me Misoprostol to help finish the process. I drove home from my appointment counting my blessings that I didn't have to deal with miscarrying at home in addition to recovering from a D&C.

The medicine made me cramp and contract and for the next two weeks I continued to bleed, making it seem like it was never going to end. Thankfully, the bleeding eventually stopped and I felt like my healing process could begin.

I am still not sure if the reality of the situation has sunk in but I do realize that time eventually heals, Heavenly Father has a plan for us all, and this too shall pass.

Julianna with husband, Brad, and little man, Owen

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