Blooming Women
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  • About Blooming Women
  • About Being a Contributor
  • Contact
  • Happy Birthday, Blooming Women! One Year Today!
  • Blog—Maniacal Musings—Becky Lyn Rickman, Managing Editor
  • Blog—Jessica's Journey—Jessica VanVactor, Guest Contributor
  • Blog—My Armenia—Carol Rickman's Blog
  • Dealing with miscarriage
  • My Story
  • Circles
  • The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Being Single
  • 5 Stages of divorce recovery
  • The Circus is in Town
  • (You're covered with) The Fingerprints of God
  • Thunder Roared and Love Soared
  • A Period Piece
  • A sneak preview of the Gertie sequel!
  • Six Steps to Cultivate your Femininity in the Business World
  • Chore Zoning or Don't try this at home!
  • The 50 with Meredith Morse—Opera Singer
  • The 50 with Jessica VanVactor
  • Memorizing Joy
  • AT LAST! My interview with Shan White, Life Coach for women in transition
  • Questions and statements we don't care if we never, ever get asked or told again (am I right, girls?)
  • The Date
  • Moonshadow's Spirit
  • Broken Writer + Hypnotherapy = Amazing Trips
  • The "R" Word
  • The 50 with Carol Shepherd Rickman
  • Triumph During Transitions
  • A Kentucky Afternoon
  • Mothers
  • 10 things chemo taught me
  • What if . . .
  • Forgiveness—A poem
  • Mantegories (n. from the Latin; man+categories)
  • Insomnia 101
  • Blooming Bud Interview: Sierra
  • Masterful Mindsets
  • It's in the bag!
  • Important lessons for children: Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can
  • Nursery rhymes, and times, and slimes, and grimes, and crimes
  • Things I learned as a single mom
  • Sadie's Soapbox: Dating
  • The Dress
  • 8 Things That Have Surprised Me About Having a Large Family
  • The gift of longing
  • The Semicolon Project
  • Most embarrassing moments—culinary edition
  • MilitaReality—a brat's perspective
  • About those elusive wisps of thought
  • Being there
  • The Giving Mom
  • How I still haven't learned to keep my smart mouth shut!
  • If you give a mom a cookie . . .
  • Cacti and Geraniums
  • The Three Gardeners
  • Beauty is as beauty does
  • Words for Sabra
  • Arm scratching in Baltimore
  • Pornography didn't kill our love and friendship . . . I did . . . and how we got it back
  • Hardening off our little bloomers
  • The Wonderful, Magical Women of Blooming Television
  • Shake it like a Polaroid picture!
  • 25 Date Nights (that aren't dinner and a movie)
  • Hills Like White Elephants
  • Maryland Beaten Biscuits
  • The night we thought the house was exploding
  • A mysterious case of goosebumps or "What is that on the wall?"
  • Militareality—Real stories of military wives
  • Finding my metal in wood
  • Another blooming bud interview
  • Chariot of Fire
  • Secret gifts of love
  • The best prank I ever pulled was . . .
  • Connie
  • Dating and other hazards
  • Favorite childhood memories
  • When God speaks . . .
  • Zanie gets into another sticky situation
  • No-see-ums: A little useful information
  • I love my kids, but . . .
  • Meg's poem
  • Another blooming bud interview
  • Some of my favorite herbal recipes are . . .
  • I love my cat, but . . .
  • I love all creatures, but . . .
  • The thing all girls and women must see and know . . .
  • The Great Chicken Debacle
  • The Powerful Influence of Brothers
  • How I feel about blooming is . . .
  • Sometimes grandma is up—other times she is simply upside-down
  • Anyone out there as anxious as I am?
  • Some of my funniest childhood memories are . . .
  • You might be addicted to Harry Potter if . . .
  • This month's survey:
  • Another Blooming Bud interview
  • The most valuable life lesson I've learned is . . .
  • The greatest blessing to come out of the most painful thing I ever experienced was . . .
  • The most powerful influence on my life is . . .
  • The thing that could have broken our family, but didn't was . . .
  • The funniest thing that ever happened to me was . . .
  • The time my dad really surprised me was when . . .
  • NEW FEATURE: Interviews with Blooming Buds
  • ANOTHER NEW FEATURE: A survey
  • The most valuable life lesson I've ever learned is . . .
  • My most embarrassing moment was when . . .
  • What really puzzles me is . . .
  • One of the most fun days I ever had was . . .
  • The most scared I've ever been was when . . .
  • The people who have been the biggest influence on me are . . .
  • I like to relax by . . .
  • The best way to do . . .
  • My most embarrassing moment was when . . .
  • The most fun I ever had was when . . .
  • When I grow up, I want to be . . .
  • What really puzzles me is . . .
  • The most amazing bargain I ever found was . . .
  • Those annoying things kids do and what they mean
  • My shameless self-promotion
  • The thing about getting older is . . .

how i still haven't 
learned to keep my 
smart mouth shut!

By Becky Lyn Rickman, Managing Editor
Will I ever learn that everyone else doesn't have the same sense of humor as I do?
So that cute little picture up there . . . the one of the sweet and innocent little girl from the 50's . . . the one you are sure is on the phone with her granny and telling her sweet things? Yea. Wrong! 

That's me. And though I don't know what I was talking about at the time, I can guarantee you, it was neither sweet nor innocent. You see, the sad truth is that I was born with an extra bone in my right foot and no filter whatsoever. 

It's not that I'm vulgar or profane. I just love to say things unexpected and off the cuff to get a reaction. 

Like, "Did you know I was all-state at basketball in high school?" 

Yea, me neither.

My lovely nieces, Kayleigh and Whitney, call me the VL—Village Liar. They're onto me.

But, mostly, I like to have fun by watching people's reactions. 

I was in a meeting once where they were talking about the problem with several people gossiping. I added to the conversation, "You know who's really guilty of that?"

It took a minute, but then they got it.

Or, like the time I got a new calling at church. They asked me to serve on the homemaking committee. I was new in the area and so they didn't yet know about my arsenal. When I met with the board for the first time, they told me they would like to concentrate on family history classes. I thought about it for a moment, then interrupted the kind and loving conversation with this:


"I know! Why don't we hold seances once a month? We could talk directly to the dead and get the information straight from the horses' mouths?"

That poor president and her counselors. I really felt sorry for them. They went three shades of pale and stuttered something nonsensical until I put the out of their misery. 

Then, another time, when I wanted to be released from a long-running calling working with the girls 12-18 and the Bishop didn't want to let me go, I threatened to encourage the girls to wear 2-piece bathing suits and do a lot of making out with boys . . . I was still not released and, doggone, could not carry through with my threat for fear of incurring the wrath of God.

Then there was the time I was dating and engaged to a lovely gentleman in Canada. I lived in New York at the time and would drive up sometimes on weekends to see him. It was all very wonderful and innocent, but I would get a little bored waiting to cross the border into Canada and then back into the U.S. So, once when they asked me if I had anything to declare, I made the serious mistake of believing customs officers had a sense of humor. I casually told them, "Nothing but the whiskey, cocaine, and prostitutes in the back."
I chuckled. Alone. Quite alone. One of those nervous chuckles where you wait uncomfortably for the other party to chime in. It never happened. But, what did happen was my car got "tagged" and pulled over. I didn't know you could remove seats that quickly . . . or at all? And, oh, how I wish I had packed my bags a little less messily. And did you know they could empty your purse on the ground and then make you pick up everything and put it back in? Also, who knew there were all those nooks and crannies in a car. Oh, and the fun part? When they finish, they walk away, leaving you to reassemble the wreckage. And . . . they never even bought me dinner, smiled, or thanked me for the good time.

But wait! It doesn't end there. Every single trip after that, I got to endure the same violation of my personal space. Without so much as a "thank you, ma'am!"

I once had a co-worker explain it like this. "Girl, I would hate to live in your head!"

Of course, she said that after I told her that her son, who had recently shaved his head, looked like a walking *phallus*. OK, that was a little vulgar. But it's probably the worst thing I've said. Or, maybe not.

I mean, who does that? Just throws things out there like that? I sometimes ask myself, "Who within the bounds of propriety just says what they're thinking?" 

And then, I remember. I tried to visit propriety once. They wouldn't let me in because I got smart with their customs agents. 

But I do blurt out kindnesses, also! I'm not exclusively rude! There was this one time when I told someone they were . . . wait . . . I said this nice thing once . . . I'm sure I did. It was, oh, wait, I remember now, it was when . . . 


Like Becky Lyn Rickman's story? Here's more by her:
MilitaReality—a brat's perspective
Being There
Cacti and Geraniums
Some mysterious goosebumps or "What is that on the wall?"
Finding my metal in wood
Some of my favorite herbal recipes are . . .
I love my cat, but . . . 
I love all creatures, but . . .
You might be addicted to Harry Potter if . . .
My shot at the big time
A cautionary tale
Why I do it
How I chill
How to clean up an egg and other helpful hints
Most embarrassing moments—automotive edition
The thing about getting older is . . .
Copyright © 2015 by Rent's Due Publications

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