My sweetie, Hannah Marie Jones! What a joy!
The "R" Word
By Patty Jones, Guest Contributor
One mother's love expresses many more mothers' anguish and pain.
It's time to stop and listen.
It's time to stop and listen.
I have something on my mind that I have to share this morning.
Years ago, I took a pledge to not use the "R" word. It is very demeaning to people that have mental disabilities. I have a daughter, of whom I am very proud. She happens to have a mental disability. I have seen people make fun of her. It hurt me, probably just as much as it hurt her. I have recently seen post on Facebook and talked to people that have no sense about what this word does to the person, or their family.
Just yesterday, while at a dentist, there was a mother and daughter there. The daughter just kept staring at Hannah and making comments. First, if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all. Second, if you want to know about my daughter, just ask, I love talking about her and how proud I am of her. She is my Hero! Now for a little education, I am going to give you a scenario of how you can change by not using this word.
Dialogue Scenario: When a friend/family member uses the R-word
Person 1: I wish they would hurry, and I hope I don't look retarded.
Person 2: Hey, I would appreciate it if you didn’t use the word retard around me anymore.
Person 1: Oh don’t worry about it; it's just a slang word. Not a big deal.
Person 2: It actually is a big deal, when you use retard as a synonym for stupid or idiot, you are saying that my daughter and all people with intellectual disabilities are stupid, and that’s definitely not true.
Person 1: But I’m not making fun of people who are mentally retarded, it’s just a figure of speech, like I said, a slang word. It’s how I talk.
Person 2: The thing is, when you use the "R" word as slang, you really are hurting people with intellectual disabilities because of the negative connotation of your comment. The "R" word has been associated with people with intellectual and developmental disabilities since the word was conceived, so when you use the word in a negative context, you’re putting down people with intellectual disabilities, regardless of if you mean to or not.
Person 1: I appreciate what you’re saying, but I have said it most of my life. I couldn’t stop saying it if I tried.
Person 2: I’m not trying to tell you what you can or cannot say, but what I want you to recognize is that people with intellectual disabilities deserve respect, and using another word instead of the "R" word is one step towards making them feel respected and valued in society. They have enough challenges without this.
Person 1: OK, I can understand it might be hurtful to use the word when a person with an intellectual disability is around, but why does it matter now, when I’m just hanging out and joking with my friends?
Person 2: Using the "R" word doesn’t just hurt people with intellectual disabilities, but it also hurts their friends and families. Having seen the hurt that the "R" word can cause, I know it’s important for me to take a stand and try to change the conversation. I hope you can understand why it hurts and upsets me when the "R" word is used and why I would appreciate if you chose another word to use.
Person 1: I’m sorry; I didn’t realize how much the "R" word upset you. I will try to use another word instead.
Person 2: Thank you for understanding.
I also, personally want to add, you grow up around a mother or father and you worship the ground they walk on. Then as they age, they may get Alzheimer's or dementia. This is a very sad situation, I know first hand, as my mother-in-law is in the later stages of it. You take care of the one that cared for you for so long. You still love them dearly, then someone comes along and because they are now different, they are called the "R" word. How will you feel?
Or your child or someone that you love dearly is in a car wreck and they lose their mental capacities, how are you going to feel, knowing someone is calling them the "R" word. Enough said, I know by now you get the picture.
Thank you for understanding and choosing another word.
Years ago, I took a pledge to not use the "R" word. It is very demeaning to people that have mental disabilities. I have a daughter, of whom I am very proud. She happens to have a mental disability. I have seen people make fun of her. It hurt me, probably just as much as it hurt her. I have recently seen post on Facebook and talked to people that have no sense about what this word does to the person, or their family.
Just yesterday, while at a dentist, there was a mother and daughter there. The daughter just kept staring at Hannah and making comments. First, if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all. Second, if you want to know about my daughter, just ask, I love talking about her and how proud I am of her. She is my Hero! Now for a little education, I am going to give you a scenario of how you can change by not using this word.
Dialogue Scenario: When a friend/family member uses the R-word
Person 1: I wish they would hurry, and I hope I don't look retarded.
Person 2: Hey, I would appreciate it if you didn’t use the word retard around me anymore.
Person 1: Oh don’t worry about it; it's just a slang word. Not a big deal.
Person 2: It actually is a big deal, when you use retard as a synonym for stupid or idiot, you are saying that my daughter and all people with intellectual disabilities are stupid, and that’s definitely not true.
Person 1: But I’m not making fun of people who are mentally retarded, it’s just a figure of speech, like I said, a slang word. It’s how I talk.
Person 2: The thing is, when you use the "R" word as slang, you really are hurting people with intellectual disabilities because of the negative connotation of your comment. The "R" word has been associated with people with intellectual and developmental disabilities since the word was conceived, so when you use the word in a negative context, you’re putting down people with intellectual disabilities, regardless of if you mean to or not.
Person 1: I appreciate what you’re saying, but I have said it most of my life. I couldn’t stop saying it if I tried.
Person 2: I’m not trying to tell you what you can or cannot say, but what I want you to recognize is that people with intellectual disabilities deserve respect, and using another word instead of the "R" word is one step towards making them feel respected and valued in society. They have enough challenges without this.
Person 1: OK, I can understand it might be hurtful to use the word when a person with an intellectual disability is around, but why does it matter now, when I’m just hanging out and joking with my friends?
Person 2: Using the "R" word doesn’t just hurt people with intellectual disabilities, but it also hurts their friends and families. Having seen the hurt that the "R" word can cause, I know it’s important for me to take a stand and try to change the conversation. I hope you can understand why it hurts and upsets me when the "R" word is used and why I would appreciate if you chose another word to use.
Person 1: I’m sorry; I didn’t realize how much the "R" word upset you. I will try to use another word instead.
Person 2: Thank you for understanding.
I also, personally want to add, you grow up around a mother or father and you worship the ground they walk on. Then as they age, they may get Alzheimer's or dementia. This is a very sad situation, I know first hand, as my mother-in-law is in the later stages of it. You take care of the one that cared for you for so long. You still love them dearly, then someone comes along and because they are now different, they are called the "R" word. How will you feel?
Or your child or someone that you love dearly is in a car wreck and they lose their mental capacities, how are you going to feel, knowing someone is calling them the "R" word. Enough said, I know by now you get the picture.
Thank you for understanding and choosing another word.
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Copyright © 2015 by Rent's Due Publications
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, click a button on any page to send email with details of the request.