the thing about getting older is . . .
By Becky Lyn Rickman, Managing Editor
With things that are inevitable, it is sometimes better
to laugh with the ranks than cry alone!
to laugh with the ranks than cry alone!
I belong to a group of women, millions strong, who have too long been silent. It is time for a coming out party. We-we are not alone. We-we must band together and show our pride. We-we have nothing to be ashamed of. Will you come out of the closet—the water closet—and join us in shouting,
"We are wet with no regret!"
We have borne children and climbed the bladder of success in raising them to be responsible adults! Forget your tea party politics. It is time to sign up for the Pee Party and proudly wear your translucent yellow ribbon, preferably somewhere north of your waist!
No longer must we hide behind a cloak of shame. Step out into the golden sunlight and say it with me:
"We spritz, therefore we are!"
We did our duty as women and the result is a natural ability to leave moisture wherever we go. Call us Damp Yankees, if you will! We will no longer be silent.
We have needs. They are simple. Much more simple than the complexities of the lives we lead trying to scootch out backwards from a room when we sneeze or walk like we are holding a pencil between our thighs to the nearest restroom.
"We are chic, even when we leak!"
Here's the thing. Sprinkling comes as easily to us as sneezing does to most people. When someone sneezes, the reaction is automatic. "God bless you!" or "Gezundheit! (Good health!)" and they might even hand you a napkin.
But when you dribble, the reaction comes in the form of shrinking away and either repulsion, or thinking to themselves, "Oh, my word, I hope that never happens to me!"
It will.
And it's time for the shame to stop. We must unite. We must stand proud . . . or croutch . . . or hold our legs tightly together and think of the desert. But we must do it with a united front. And rear.
We have Whoopie Goldberg and Kirstie Alley on our side! They are strong women with weak bladders at the helm of our movement, navigating us out of the rough . . . waters . . . be right back!
Here is our modest proposal:
A new friend on twitter, Eliza Nevin @EtotheNev "Lying in bed, playing chicken with my bladder. I don't waaaaaant to get uuuuuuuuup."
#grownup #whiner
"We are wet with no regret!"
We have borne children and climbed the bladder of success in raising them to be responsible adults! Forget your tea party politics. It is time to sign up for the Pee Party and proudly wear your translucent yellow ribbon, preferably somewhere north of your waist!
No longer must we hide behind a cloak of shame. Step out into the golden sunlight and say it with me:
"We spritz, therefore we are!"
We did our duty as women and the result is a natural ability to leave moisture wherever we go. Call us Damp Yankees, if you will! We will no longer be silent.
We have needs. They are simple. Much more simple than the complexities of the lives we lead trying to scootch out backwards from a room when we sneeze or walk like we are holding a pencil between our thighs to the nearest restroom.
"We are chic, even when we leak!"
Here's the thing. Sprinkling comes as easily to us as sneezing does to most people. When someone sneezes, the reaction is automatic. "God bless you!" or "Gezundheit! (Good health!)" and they might even hand you a napkin.
But when you dribble, the reaction comes in the form of shrinking away and either repulsion, or thinking to themselves, "Oh, my word, I hope that never happens to me!"
It will.
And it's time for the shame to stop. We must unite. We must stand proud . . . or croutch . . . or hold our legs tightly together and think of the desert. But we must do it with a united front. And rear.
We have Whoopie Goldberg and Kirstie Alley on our side! They are strong women with weak bladders at the helm of our movement, navigating us out of the rough . . . waters . . . be right back!
Here is our modest proposal:
- Restrooms in every department of every story—grocery, big box, department, boutique, thrift, consignment and convenience.
- Making locked restrooms illegal. Waiting for someone to locate a key is completely insane. THERE IS NO TIME!
- Free wet wipes and Depends in every women's restroom.
- A celebratory high-five from a kindred spirit whenever nature won't wait.
A new friend on twitter, Eliza Nevin @EtotheNev "Lying in bed, playing chicken with my bladder. I don't waaaaaant to get uuuuuuuuup."
#grownup #whiner
Like Becky Lyn Rickman's story? Here's more by her:
MilitaReality—a brat's perspective
Being There
How I still haven't learn to keep my smart mouth shut!
Cacti and Geraniums
Some mysterious goosebumps or "What is that on the wall?"
Finding my metal in wood
Some of my favorite herbal recipes are . . .
I love my cat, but . . .
I love all creatures, but . . .
You might be addicted to Harry Potter if . . .
My shot at the big time
A cautionary tale
Why I do it
How I chill
How to clean up an egg and other helpful hints
Most embarrassing moments—automotive edition
Copyright © 2014 by Rent's Due Publications
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, click a button on any page to send email with details of the request.